It’s not getting any better. It is swinging terribly fast! One minute I am way up there. Then in another I am just down in the depths again! In the abyss of despair! Down there where there is no happiness. No joy. Only pain. I don’t want to be there. Not now. Not again. Not ever. Dear Lord help me! Hold my hands and lead me. Keep me calm. Keep me sane. Keep me breathing. Keep me alive. Keep me away from that and those who triggers. Surround me with people who would understand. Who would care. Who would tell me that everything will be okay. Dear Lord in heaven, you know that I don’t want this. Help me slow down.